If you are a resident of Fallowfield and other places where lots of students live, you are more likely to be troubled by noisy neighbours than nosey neighbours. With this in mind, Elliot Garlick dispenses words of wisdom for freshers to help them recognise the tell-tale signs that the party is well and truly over.
Being a fresher is hard work. For the first time, you are the only one responsible for balancing academia with your social life. This isn’t school, where teachers decide what’s best for you.
‘if you’re drunk
text sober, then
your party is
This isn’t home, where your parents decide which parties to say ‘Yes’ or ‘No’ to. You’re finally an adult and that means making these decisions for yourself.
But it can be pretty hard sometimes. A lot of people get the work/life balance wrong when it comes to Uni. Some go too heavy on the work and lock themselves in their bedrooms. These creatures are rarely seen outside the lecture hall, as they split the rest of their time between studying and crying. But then you have the flip side- students who don’t know when to stop.
1. The Neighbours
This one is a hotly debated topic. If the neighbours complain, do you stop the party? Do you apologise and keep going? Or do you completely ignore them and keep drinking long enough to forget they even exist? My advice is this; treat it as a warning.
You’ll be living next to these people all year, so waking their toddler at 3am might not be the wisest decision. Although they have no actual power over you, neighbours can make your life difficult in an infinite number of ways, ranging from hiding your bins on collection day to crapping in your letter box when no one’s home. If you ever need to borrow a cup of sugar, you want to be on speaking terms.
However, they can’t really stop you. The only difference between us and the rest of the world is that we’re students. If they had unpleasant neighbours who weren’t, they would only have one recourse-the police.
2. The Police
For something petty (like a house party), there’s a formula that the police follow. If it’s after 3am (or thereabouts), shut it down. If it’s before, politely ask them to lower the music. Rinse and repeat.
This seems great for us. Keep it inside a regular timeframe and you’re pretty much free to do whatever you want.
However, big house parties are rarely this simple. A noise complaint, followed by the promise of violence/drugs/a smarmy attitude is certain to get your party shut down.
If you are at university (and this goes double for freshers) then respect the police. If you’re singled out at the start, you’re doomed for the rest of the year.
3. You’ve Run Out of Booze
Students are famous for drinking. Hardly a single supermarket, corner shop or club would be able to survive without the constant influx of 18-22 year olds desperate to kill time and brain cells.
So booze will be at the front of a good host’s mind. After all, making sure everyone can forget the boredom of their everyday existence is paramount.
Which makes this rule simple. If all the bottles are empty, the cans are in the recycling bin and you’re wondering if you can serve mouthwash instead of mint schnapps, you’ve gone too far.
The moment that students run out of alcohol is the moment that the party should stop.
4. You Wonder if McDonalds are Serving Breakfasts
This rule has three requirements-
A You are a student
B You’re at a party
C It’s past 6am
If you meet all of these requirements, then congratulations. You should be asleep.
Assuming that most parties start at about 11pm (which they usually do) and that they focus on alcohol and music (which they usually do), then by 6am you will have been drinking and dancing for seven hours. SEVEN HOURS. That’s almost a full workday solely dedicated to destroying your eardrums, liver and kidneys with noise and poison. You feel great now, sure, but when you factor in lectures, societies and generally getting out of the bed mid-afternoon, 4am is a reasonable limit.
5. You Want to Call Your Ex
This isn’t just limited to students. If you want to call your ex when drunk, ABORT MISSION.
Whether this is a secondary school (or high school, for all you rich kids) sweetheart, or that person you slept with at the start of Freshers, retreading old ground is never a good idea.
This is epitomised by one simple action – deleting drunk texts so your sober self won’t find out. I’ve done it, you’ve done it, and if you haven’t done it then it’s in the post. Maybe they’ve moved on. Maybe the reason you/they left is still right there. Either way, if you’re drunk texting people you wouldn’t text sober, then your party is over, my friend.
If you have any other tips, tricks or ideas about knowing that the party is over, please tweet @ILoveMCR or @mancunianelliot. Or both, if you really want us to notice!