“Manchester keeps it real” Comic opens up on trauma, toxic exes, and turning pain into punchlines

James Barr is one of those people who has many strings to his bow. He presents The Breakfast Show on Hits Radio with Fleur East, and will soon be joined by Big Brother host Will Best too.

He is a TV presenter and podcaster. He has interviewed the likes of Ariana Grande, Charli XCX and Justin Bieber, amongst others. And he has just taken his new stand-up comedy show, Sorry I Hurt Your Son on the road.

And the show is headed to his adopted city, Manchester, on 10th May, when he performs at 53two. We caught up with James to find out more.

Manchester is a special place for you. Why is that?

Manchester feels like my second home. My first ever Pride was here, which completely changed my life. I’d secretly watched Queer As Folk in my bedroom when I was 12, dreaming of Canal Street and then I actually ended up being sick in a bin there. That definitely makes me an honorary Manc! I’m now a patron of Manchester Pride too and I’ve hosted the main stage a bunch of times, plus I get to wake the city up every morning on Hits Radio with Fleur East and Will Best. It’s a city that’s always given me love, chaos, and community. I love it here.

Your story within Sorry I Hurt Your Son has trauma. How do you stop this from reliving pain for you, night after night?

Honestly, taking the show internationally really helped, Australia gave me so much perspective! If the terrible things my ex had done never happened, I would never have made it down under performing to a bunch of sexy Australians. When I started writing it was, of course, painful. but now I actually find the darker material in my show funnier than ever. I’m so healed by the whole journey. I get to stand there, fully alive and thriving, and laugh at the chaos with the audience. It feels like we’re all in on the joke together, which makes it a celebration rather than something painful.

They say write what you know. Why did you want to turn these experiences into a comedy show?

Because if I didn’t laugh about it, I think I’d cry forever. I always say my toxic trait is that I think everything can be a bit funny, even the painful stuff. I wanted to tell this story to take control of it, and to show other people that even the hardest moments can be reclaimed with humour. Laughing at stuff has the power to disarm it and it was really important for me to be able to give the shame of what happened back to my ex. It’s not my shame to carry – but it’s also not about him, It’s about me and my healing. It explores the crazy perspective this entire experience has given me and if it helps even one person find freedom from an abusive relationship then I have done my job. When we laugh at something, it cannot hurt us.

Do you think we are now talking about mental health more. Or do you think we still have a long way to go?

We are definitely talking about it more, which is brilliant, but I think there’s still a long way to go, especially in the queer community. People like my ex can sometimes become perpetrators, I think, because they haven’t faced their own trauma or triggers. That can leave people with no control over their mental health, which makes them dangerous. As queer people, we often carry extra layers of trauma just from growing up in a world that wasn’t built for us. If we don’t talk about it and work through it, we risk just slapping a rainbow over the pain and pretending it’s fine. For me, healing is about honesty – so we can show up for each other, build proper community, and also put up a better fight. We’re at our strongest when we’re doing the work and supporting each other through it.

Who makes you laugh and why?

In terms of comedians, I adore Jayde Adams. She’s fearless, brilliant, and always herself. Alan Carr has always been a massive inspiration for me, he made me desperate to try stand-up. I’ve also got so much love for my friends in comedy: Michelle Shaughnessy, David Ian, Suzie Preece, and Hannah Byczkowski. They’re all so funny and sharp, and it’s such a joy to see them smashing it. Chris Hall never fails to make me laugh online. And of course, Katherine Ryan, the way she weaves political and patriarchal commentary into her act is hysterical. She’s making a point and making us laugh, chef’s kiss.

You present the breakfast show on Hits Radio. So which songs get you out of bed in the morning?

I’m going to say Kylie Minogue, Get Outta My Way is the ultimate morning song, it feels like she’s physically dragging me out of bed by the heels (why am I wearing heels in bed?). But I do mix it up. Some mornings it’s full 70’s disco. Sister Sledge slap. Randomly, You Can Call Me Al by Paul Simon is also a guaranteed mood lift. And when I really need energy, it’s house and techno. I like to pretend I’m at Homobloc or Warehouse Project, wearing shades at 3am, surrounded by lasers, friends and some random guy I pulled an hour ago… even though I’m just sat on the bus half-asleep.

If you could invite one guest back to the radio station time and time again, who would it be and why?

Jason Momoa. He came in recently and Fleur and I were a total mess. His PA arrived 30 minutes before he did and asked us to turn down the air-con because “Jason runs really hot”… and trust me, we felt it. We couldn’t get it low enough. During the interview, Jason had to take off his cardigan to reveal this vest with holes in it. He looked like he’d just changed a tyre, and honestly, he can change all my parts. I’ve never seen arms so big. Fleur and I were like two dogs dribbling over a bone. HR should have been called immediately. I nearly licked the microphone after he left.

What do you want audiences to get from your stand up show?

I want them to laugh, first and foremost. But I also want them to feel free free of their trauma, even just for that moment. I hope it changes how we talk about abuse, because so often it’s a conversation that happens in hushed voices, or not at all. Like what Adolescence on Netflix has done for talking about social media and young people, I want my show to create a space where we can finally be open about something that’s usually hidden away. If I can make people feel seen, make them laugh, and give them permission to start those conversations, then it’s all been worth it. I honestly hope this saves people.

In 53two you can really connect with an audience, as it is really intimate. Is that exciting or scary?

I actually popped into 53two the other day just for a coffee when I was up, and it was so great. Good beans. Excellent grinding. Plus, loads of major comedians try out new material here, so it’s amazing to be walking the same space as them. I love an intimate space, it’s the
best. Intimate means we basically get to be best friends for the night, and honestly? Ja’dore.

What is the one joke that you however many times you hear it, it makes you giggle or smile?

Well, it is a routine actually. Stewart Lee’s bit where he tears apart the whole “you can’t say anything anymore” argument always makes me laugh so much. He does this brilliant impression of Ricky Gervais choking on his own words, and it’s just so perfectly silly and clever at the same time. I love comedy that manages to make a huge political point while still being ridiculously daft. That balance of smart and stupid is my favourite type of comedy!

How do you think Manchester has changed since those early days of discovery for you?

Manchester has always been incredible for creatives. There’s so much talent here, but what I love most is that it never feels fake. Manchester keeps it real. It’s a place where people say what they mean and create from the heart, which is so inspiring. I’ve lived here a few times, and every time I come back, it feels like the city’s grown in confidence. It’s proud of its culture, its people, and its creativity.

Tickets for Sorry I Hurt Your Son (Said My Ex To My Mum)

James will be performing his stand up show Sorry I Hurt Your Son (Said My Ex To My Mum) at 53two, Manchester on Saturday 10th May.

For tickets and more info, click here.