Guilty As Charged: Middle Aged Man in Lycra Shorts

A woman has alerted the police that she had seen a man in a state of arousal in public...

Written by Stephen Lewis
Last updated 8 years ago
Sport

The other day, Greater Manchester Police announced on Twitter that a woman had alerted them that she had seen a man in a state of arousal at the Piccadilly tram stop in the city centre.

He probably wasn’t the only man in the city centre in this condition but he had the misfortune to be wearing lycra cycling shorts and had been spotted by this eagle eyed member of the public.

Call from female reporting a male in lycra cycling shorts with an erection at Piccadilly tram stop. Patrols on route to take a look…..

— GMP City Centre (@GMPCityCentre) December 29, 2015

Being in possession of a knife or other offensive weapon in a public place carries a maximum 6 months and/or £5,000 fine. But as far as we’re aware, being in possession of an erection in public is not illegal, unless it contravenes some obscure byelaw similar to those which prohibit driving sheep across Blackfriars Bridge on a Sunday or eating pizza on a Friday.

The police were concerned about what the man was going to do with the inflamed body part. But being in possession of an erection in a public place does not mean you are going to do anything with it, otherwise 99% of teenage boys would have criminal records.

And it’s unlikely the man sought by police would have been able to do any accidental damage such as tripping someone up or poking someone in the eye.

On the other hand, he could have tried to do something about it by thinking about the Money Supermarket ad with the pole dancing builder or maybe being at the dentist.

No trace of any males in lycra shorts in Piccadilly, looks like he’s cycled off. No offences reported by informant.

— GMP City Centre (@GMPCityCentre) December 29, 2015

Nevertheless, as far as we’re concerned, this was a huge fuss over nothing and a complete waste of police time. However, we think there is something the man should have been cautioned about. He was in his 50s and wearing lycra shorts. Now that’s what we call a criminal offence.

Many asked after Tuesdays Tweet ‘is it crime to have erection in public?’ Simple answer; depends what you do with it https://t.co/PNGfQhHdkh

— GMP City Centre (@GMPCityCentre) December 30, 2015

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